Hermione's Fan Mail
by hpfreaks815
Summary: A list of letters from fans of Hermione! Rated T to be safe!
1. First Batch of Letters

Dear Hermione,

If both your parents are dentist, then why did it take you until fourth year to get them straighten? Yeah, I know it was a shrinking charm. Shouldn't you have had braces a long time ago?

Curious,

Casablanca

Dear Casablanca,

In my fourth year Draco put that nasty curse on me, and made my teeth grow. I couldn't walk around with teeth down to my waist. When Madam Pomfrey was shrinking them I told her to go ahead, mum and dad were angry, but they understood. They insisted on giving me braces for a while, but they just never got around to it.

dear hermione,

what the hell were you on when you decided to go out with Viktor Krum?

from pinocchio

Dear Pinocchio,

Do you not know how to capitalize? You're grammar and capitalization suck. I liked Viktor, he was nice and he liked me. He wasn't a jerk like most boys at my school.

From Hermione

Dear Granger,

I hope Vodemort takes you hostage' and kills you idiotic friends, once they naturally come to 'rescue' you.

Hatefully,

Pansy Parkinson

P.S. Don't walk the corridors late at night…

Dear Pansy Parkinson,

Why are you so angry with me? I see no reason that you can be mad at me. Yes, I might be going out with Draco, but that is nothing to get upset about! And my friends are not 'idiotic' ac you say. And if I was captured, I'm sure my friends would come to rescue me. Oh, and you spelt 'Vodemort' wrong, it's spelt Voldemort.

Hermione

P.S. I can walk the corridors anytime I want! Draco will probably be with me!

to hermione granger.

you are my hero…how does it feel to live always with such stupid people (AKA ron and harry)?

love

gal-from-the-'hood

Dear gal-from-the-hood,

Well, I have to say thank you for calling me your hero! But, as for my 'stupid' friends, and why I live with them is none of your business. They are perfectly fine people, and I see no reason for you to be rude. Also, you would do well to learn how to properly start a letter, after stating the person's name, you use a comma not a period. My name should be capitalized, and so are Ron and Harry's.

A little annoyed and enjoyed,

Hermione

**Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. We look forward to reading anything new you have to say. If you would like to ask Hermione a question, then please review in a letter, and we might respond.**

**Hpfreaks815**


	2. Second Batch of Letters

How did you get Draco to like you? Was it vice-versa-he asked you out and you said yes? Oh yeah, you choose right when you picked Draco-you two are made for each other!

-Shoni

Dear Shoni,

If you remember, it was a love potion that made us love each other… And now we realize, curse our stupid minds, for not realizing before that we loved each other. Thank you for saying that I picked right and we were made for each other, for I believe that too!

Sincerely,

Hermione

* * *

Dear Hermione, 

Are you ever going to make up your mind on which you like? First it was Victor Krum and kind of Harry, then you liked Ron, and now you're going out Draco Malfoy! Who do you real like?

Hurt Deep Inside

Dear Hurt Deep Inside,

I have made up my mind: Draco Malfoy! Victor Krum was the first guy to actually come into my life really; and whoever said that I actually liked Ron and Harry? They are just friends… Really. Yes… I am going out with Draco, and he is the one for me!

Sincerely,

Hermione

* * *

Dear Hermione, 

I wanted to know how it feels to be the most hated person in America? Seeing as how you are going out with Draco. You know... I don't like the fact that you are. I wouldn't open anymore fanmail if I were you.

Hate From,

Witch from America

p.s. Yes, that was a threat.

Witch from America,

I deeply approve of your name, although I'd say you spelt it wrong, it should be a 'b' not a 'w.'

I don't know what it's like to be the most hated girl in America because, you ill-mannered cow, I live in England. Further more I don't care if you dislike the fact that Draco and I are in love; it's not going to stop me from snogging him as soon as I'm done reading your poorly written letter. I will also let him read this, and that is a threat. I will continue to open my fan mail, and anyone who _tries _to hex me in any way will answer to both my darling Draco and me.

Choke on vomit,

Hermione Granger

* * *

Dear Hermione, 

Knowing about the many subjects offered in Hogwarts and your great excitement for knowledge, I just wanted to inquire which subjects do you mostly favor.

I'm sorry if it was too academic (guessing that you might want to take a break from academically related subjects.). And I am still recovering from the shock of having a glimpse of Draco Malfoy's answers to his fanmail that is why I am most careful.

Sincerely,

dreamaker13

Dear dreamaker13,

My favorite subject is Arithmancy, but I also enjoy Ancient Runes. The letter was not too academic, I enjoyed it. I'm glad that you read Draco's mail, and I'm sorry if he was a little bit rude, but certain people (Which from America is one) need to be yelled at, and possibly cursed.

Hermione Granger

* * *

Dear Hermione, 

I would love to say that I believe you to be extremely intelligent and pretty (I say pretty because I am a girl and am a lesbian). I also believe that you and Draco are a wonderful match for each other. I saw some of Draco's fan mail and I believe he treated the people that thought they could get away with being horrid well (I am deeply sorry if this insults you or angers you in any way possible.). I hope Draco approves of my grammar and that you also approve of it. I give the both of you my best regards and good luck to your relationship.

Sincerely,

T.o.B.a.L (Tears of Blood and Love)

Dear Tears of Blood and Love,

I'm glad that you think I'm intelligent, it never gets old. I'm glad that you approve of Draco and I, because anyone who apposes, he swears he'll obliterate. You're not a mindless, rambling git, so I would hate to have you killed.

You're grammar and spelling are flawless; it makes reading this a lot easier.

Hermione Granger

* * *

Dear Hermione, 

Did you ever try an smooth your hair down once and for all? If so, then how did you do it? I'm desperate about my hair, there just HAS to be something that will work.

Thank you,

Cris

PS: You're a great person, I like your character and I wanted to say that Harmony shippers are just delusional (Harmony Harry/Hermione).

Dramione is far better!

Cris,

I never wanted to smooth my hair down once and for all. When I went to the Yule Ball I used about 6 bottles of magic hair potion, but it wasn't cheap.

I'm glad that you approve of me and Draco dating, I know I do.

* * *

Dear Hermione 

I have to say that I envy you. You may not exactly have the looks or whatever, but you get the guys and the best grades ever.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

I try so hard at my studies, and you complain because you missed one problem or something.

Tell me your secret!

Jacen fan

P.S. And I do mean about the secret about how you get the guys too!

Dear Jacen Fan,

I've never been envied before, except for that cow Pansy Parkinson, I must say I'm flattered. I've always been a bookworm; I guess getting good grades sort of came naturally. I was never all that interested in boys until Draco came alone. When we fell in love, it just kind of happened. He's always respected that my studies are important, so it's never been a real problem.

I'm sorry to say I don't have any secrets, but you're welcome to envy me all you want!

Hermione Granger

* * *

Dear Hermione, 

You're the greatest! I have some questions:

1. Who's hotter? Harry or Ron.

2. Would you ever consider hexing Pansy Parkinson...say if you were having a bad day and she just oh, accidentally became the target of your frustrations.

3. What's your favorite type of food, candy, music etc?

Sincerely,

-Jagged

Dear Jagged,

Thank you, for your complement! As for your questions, if I had to choose I think that Harry is hotter, but just because I don't like red heads, not that it matters, because I'm with Draco.

Parkinson got what she deserved; no one tells me I can't walk the corridors at night. I have nothing more to say about the matter.

I enjoy noodles, but it's a close tie with pizza. I used to think that Skittles were my favorite candy, then I went to Honeydukes, and life has never been the same. I don't really listen to much music, I'm really busy with school and Draco, but I do like the Weird Sisters.

With deepest respect,

Hermione Granger

**thank you for your reviews and if you want to ask Hermione a question... then do it!**

**Jacen fan and Hurt Deep Inside**


	3. Thrid Batch of Letters

I am so sorry for not updating in so long! I've had a lot going on, and I promise I was planning on updating last week, but certain events have stopped me from doing so. First, my dear friend Jacen Fan, has taken a vacation from the story, and wasn't able to help with this chapter. The other thing wrong was that my floppy disk got smashed, and now I have to retype all of the stories I have ever written. Not my best week, but I'll get through it.

hermione

hi, you don't know me, but i think u r the bestest wich ever! im glad that u r going out with draco and not ron, i dont like him and think htat you shoud have him heexed. you shoud get draco to do it, im sure hes great at that kind of stuff. when you two break up, you shoud go out with harry, he's way betterer, and hes famous.

forever crazed

XxX

Dear Forever Crazed,

Have you ever heard of letter formatting? You're letter is atrocious! I have never seen a letter written so poorly! Let's start out with your heading shall we? You always start a letter with 'Dear Insert Name Here'. Then there's you grammar, you start a sentence with a capital letter, the same goes for names. 'You' and 'are' are real words, you should use them more often. There is a thing called an apostrophe you use it in the words 'don't', 'I'm', and 'he's'. 'Shoud' is spelt 'should' and 'heexed' is spelt 'hexed'. 'Betterer' and 'bestest' aren't words.

Furthermore, Ron is one of my best friends, and annoying as he gets, I refuse to have him hexed! I also don't plan my relationships on my next boyfriends, and I don't choose my boyfriends just because they're famous! I am not some shallow, egotistical, self-centered, narcissistic, moron, who only cares about looks, boys, and money. I pride myself on my ability to pick a man for more than his social status. I will _not_ go out with someone simply because it will get me from page of the _Daily Prophet_!

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

Dear Hermione,

I am without a doubt your biggest fan! I feel that is the strongest honor in the world to be alowed to speak with you! I know everyhing about you! You're favorite food, candy, band, song, _everything_! I worship the ground you walk on, and would gladly give my life for you! You are my greatest sourse of insperation, and I want to be exactly like you! I even dyed my hair and got colored contacts so that I could look like you! I have perfect eyesight, so I can't see really well with them on, but it doesn't matter as long as it makes me look more like you!

Love,

O.C.D.- Hermione Granger

XxX

Dear Freak,

YOU NEED THERAPY! There is no reason on earth that you should be obsessed with me! I will lock all my doors and windows from now on, and Draco will track you down and hurt you for stalking me! Don't ever come near me or I will curse you to oblivion!

Hermione Granger

P.S. This letter will self destruct 5 minutes after being opened, so I'd run if I were you.

My Dearest Hermione,

It is I, Draco. Could you meet me in the library for a little 'study session' after dinner? And if you could, wear that nightgown I bought you.

I'll be waiting,

Draco

XxX

Dear Draco Imposter,

I suggest you stay far away from the library, for if you were there the real Draco would use an unforgivable curse on you. Draco is sitting right beside me, he has never seen this letter before, and has never bought me a nightgown.

Choke on vomit,

Hermione Granger

Dear Hermione,

It is always an honor to talk to you; it's just a matter of choosing what I'm going to say to someone as great as you. Before you continue reading, I think you should know that I triple checked this letter for any spelling or grammar errors. I have read Draco's fan mail, and I would hate for you to get angry at me, because I am terrified of what you could do to me if you had a wand. I would just like to know if you have any advice on how to get rid of a stalker type person who thinks that their your friend? As someone such as yourself, I'm sure you have more than one crazy fan, and although I am nowhere near as famous as you are, I'd still like to get rid of this guy.

Respectfully,

Hurt Deep Inside

XxX

Dear Hurt Deep Inside,

It is a rare occasion that I get a letter with so few typing errors, and I appreciate it. I find that hexing people is a great way to get them to leave you alone. When it still doesn't work, I get Draco to help me out, you can send me the person's name if you wish, Draco did say that he was getting bored with hexing people from our neighborhood, I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting rid of some people for you.

Always a pleasure,

Hermione Granger

What's it like knowing Harry Potter? It must be the greatest thing in the world knowing that you can talk to him whenever you want! What's it like knowing that people would kill to be in your position? Do you think that you could get me an autograph? It's my birthday soon, and getting his autograph would be the coolest present ever!

Potter Hoe

XxX

Dear Potter Hoe,

You scare me. I don't think of it as a big deal to know Harry. He's a regular person, but has a weird family life. I know for a fact that he hates people like you, who are fixated with him. However, I did manage to get you an autograph, it's enclosed, but it's on the restraining order he asked me to send you.

Dear Ms. Granger,

I write this letter with sincerest respect for you. I am a true fan of yours, and know everything about you. My only concern is your boyfriend, Draco. It is just that I don't think that he actually switched sides. What makes you so sure that he is fighting for us, and not against us? I wish I could share your faith in him, so please, enlighten me with you infinite wisdom.

Respectfully yours,

Keira Bloom Forever

XxX

Dear Keira Bloom Forever,

I appreciate that you think so highly of me, I just hope that you think high enough of me to respect my choice in men. I don't know if 'that he is fighting for us, and not against us' because I don't know if you are on the same side is me. If you mean is he fighting with Voldemort, then I can answer you. I don't know if he is or not, but whatever the case, I still plan on being with him. He's been through a lot, and I am not going to do anything that would further break his heart.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

Dear Granger,

Why are you such a know-it-all? I mean, come on! You don't have to know everything; it just makes people dislike you. Everyone already does because you're a Mudblood; you should just commit suicide, because nobody really wants you.

Pansy Parkinson

XxX

Dear Parkinson,

This is 'Hermione's Fan Mail' I know you're an inept cow that can't read to save her life, but try a little harder. People do like me, especially Draco, who wanted me to tell you that if you come near him again, he's curse you into the next dimension.

Hermione Granger

Dear Hermione,

HOW COULD YOU GO OUT WITH DRACO MALFOY! THAT IS DEGRADING TO MUGGLE BORNS EVERYWHERE! HE'S AN INCONSIDERATE ASS THAT ISN'T WORTH A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME! HE'S FIGHTING FOR VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT IS PLANNING TO KILL ALL MUGGLE BORNS! HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU'RE DATING ONE OF HIS DEATH EATERS! HE'LL KILL YOU ANYWAY!

Hamster Lover

XxX

Dear Hamster Lover,

I love Draco. That's all there is to it. I don't care what you think, this is my fan mail, and I don't think I should have to defend myself to someone who is supposed to be my fan.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

P.S. Lay off the capitals, they bug me.

Hope you enjoyed! If there's anything you wish to ask Hermione, please send her a letter in a review!

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If there is anything you want to say to Hermione, send it to her in a review!**


	4. Fourth Batch of Letters

**We would like to apologize for not updating for so long, but I'm here now! We hope you like this story as much as we enjoyed writing it!**

Dear Ms. Granger,

It is an honor to be able to speak to you. I am a huge fan (but not like O.C.D.) I hope you and Draco can help with my Grammar. I am not very good at it. I know a lot of good Dramione fanfics. A few examples are 'A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words', 'Courting Miss Granger', 'Sold' and so much more. I really like Dramione ships, I also like Harmony, but Dramione is the best. Some people do SnapeHermione fics which suck! I hope you get to kick almighty ass during the war!

Sincerely and Dearly Yours,

DramioneDreamer32

X

Dear DramioneDreamer32,

I am glad to hear from you; very few people have such well-written letters. Even though your sentence structure could use some work, you grammar was fine. I'm glad you approve Draco and I, I've been getting hate mail about the two of us (Hamster Lover). I'll try to read those fics, but my schedule is very full, I'm helping Harry and Ron get ready for the war, and then all of my free time is spent with Draco. I will be kicking ass in the war, even if Draco and Harry object, I'm not backing down!

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

XxX

Dear Hermione,

Hi! I like a Draco and Hermione match. That's cool. I was wondering what you have against America (besides all the normal things someone should hate). Is it just the person who sent it, however?

Sincerely,

Lyra Silvertoungue

P.S. Yes, this fake name is from His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

X

Dear Lyra Silvertounge,

I do not have anything against America as a whole. It was just a letter from Witch From America that I can't stand. She was a rude, idiotic, inconsiderate, bitch that I wish would fall off a cliff.

Hermione Granger

XxX

Dear Hermione,

I just wanted to let you know that I have the deepest respect for you. You have to deal with all of the crazy fans and imposters and people who don't like you and Draco together and yet you still manage to keep it all together. I think you're a great role model for people.

Love,

Your Fan (Sara)

X

Dear Sara,

You're perfect letter as left me speechless. Your grammar is perfect, you flatter me with your complements, and you approve of Draco and I. I am honored that you find me a role model, it's an privilege to have people think of me as an idol.

Yours most truly,

Hermione Granger

XxX

Dear Miss Granger,

I've read much about you and I consider myself one of your fans. Is it true that you're dating young Mr. Malfoy? If so then I believe I've just lost 10 Galleons to a betting pool. Please don't be offended but think of it as how much interest some people have for you, please? I had 5 Galleons on you ending up with Harry, well, you and Ron fought all the time and at the time Draco wasn't even in the run. For him I had 5 Galleons on him getting together with Ginny, let's just say that I'm a Romeo and Juliet fan. Anyway, if he makes you happy then forget what the others say, I'll support you. But I'm very curious about IF he turns out to be a Death Eater what would you do? Again, please don't be offended. I'm just curious.  
Best of luck,  
D  
P.S. Do you mind telling me how you two got together? I mean, from what I know since your first year, the record isn't that promising.

X

Dear D,

It is true that Draco and I are dating, and I'm would be offended, but I myself had doubts about us at first. But once we got to know each other, it just kind of clicked. He's really nice, smart, and handsome; I'm glad we got together. I love Romeo and Juliet, but I would hate to have Draco and Ginny killing themselves, as I've grown attached to both of them. If he is a Death Eater, than I can't say I'd approve, but I'm not going to leave him because of it.

Hermione Granger

P.S. If you want to lean how we got together, then read Caren H's story, it tells how we got together.

XxX

Dear Hermionie,  
Did I spell your name right? YOUR NAME IS SO FREAKIN HARD SOMETIMES. Tis annoying somethimes. But don't worry, it's a good name. How did your parents think of it?  
Jacen fan  
X

Dear Jacen Fan,

You did spell my name wrong, it's Hermione. I know my name is hard to spell, and it even annoys me sometimes! I think it's a good name though, I really like it. I'm not sure how mum and dad thought of it, I think it might be a family name, but I'm not entirely sure.

Hermione Granger


End file.
